aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

Probably because he knows you'd say something about it if you heard. [ he says, spilling the beans anyway. his knives follow through the motions, more to keep up the guise than actually fighting. ]

Anyway of course I wouldn't just accept that just because some other guy could replace us, but you make it sound like your paths won't converge and what you're setting out to do for the future won't allow you time together. Is that really true? Are you really so far apart even though you both want the same thing?

[ Their playfighting… this is such funny imagery. ]

Oh, the issue isn't whether our paths will converge again. They will. It's that we both have to accept that one day, they might stop doing so without any warning. That's the reality of it.

… And of the two, one path is far more likely to end earlier than the other. [ In tandem with a strike: ] I'm sick.

[ anyway it's funny that they went from real fighting to playfighting so my low roll means something because elysium drops that bomb and yosuke's attempting to dodge the strike and eating shit with a loud yelp.

he stays on the ground for a second, pushing himself up on his elbows to stare at him. ]

You... [ oh... ] Oh.

[ why is this the second time someone he really likes has said this. ]

... I assume Thorns knows?

[ Why is this the second time someone's said this to him, I'm in tears. Why are there so many sick people in Purgatory.

Regardless, he squats down in front of Yosuke, hands settling on both his cheeks. ]

Yeah. Most of the people who work for my company are. Where I'm from, what we're sick with used to be both a social stigma and a death sentence. It's still the latter, but it's far less the former than it used to be. I'd say I can go through maybe a fifth of Terra and not feel particularly discriminated against? Mostly because those areas have a lot more to worry about than just getting infected.

[ A soft laugh. ]

You know what I mean now, right? When I say I don't want to hurt him any more than I will?

[ i don't know but he hates it actually.

which is to say elysium joins him on the ground and he allows this and completely forgets to feel anything but kind of lowkey crushed about this because it does not add up with the picture of elysium he's had for weeks. ]

I mean I don't think I have to tell you it's kind of shitty to be discriminated against for being sick, but I don't know how Terra feels. [ granted, he is also aware of this being a thing for certain diseases on earth, so he settles for another frown. ]

... I do get it, but I think I also just think if he knows, isn't it more fair for him to get to make a choice, too? [ ... ] I don't really know how you feel about him, I guess. Sorry, maybe I'm kind of assuming because... sorry. [ he actually doesn't even know what sort of relationship the two of them have, he may have been projecting solely based off of him and yu and how thorns was in that glass coffin. and how they talk to and about each other. ]

You know you're working on what's basically borrowed time. Don't you think it's worse not to use it than to try and figure some things out to spend more time together?

We're too important at our jobs, Yosuke. Spending more time together will take away from helping other people. Of course we'll make it out to see each other, but I imagine it'll be under the pretense of work going forward.

[ There's nothing but acceptance in his voice—why wouldn't there be? He'd accepted this since he'd first gotten Infected. Seeing Yosuke feel for him is as bittersweet as it is warming, and almost instinctively, he finds himself reaching out to gently flick his forehead. ]

That's a whole lot of apologies out of you for no reason. I didn't tell you all of this for you to be sorry for me. Rather… that's why I keep telling you that I'm envious of you and Yu. It's not that we ever made the mistake of never prioritising each other—it's that we were never given the option among all the other things that are important to us. We'll regret it more if we ignore our responsibilities.

[ Well, this is a little of a lie. Unfortunately, he can and has skipped out of work from time to time, but…

It's fine. Allowing yourself the occasional bit of selfishness, so long as it isn't excessive. ]

It's different for you, though, isn't it?

[ this is where they sort of differ because despite everything with the murders and the tv world, he's still very much a teenager who sometimes is very adamant about how he thinks things should go because he doesn't have the worldly experience or understanding of things. he doesn't know the full extent of everything happening in terra, only gleaning bits and pieces from what he's heard from elysium before, but that also makes it a little harder to accept.

he does have to accept that obviously elysium would know better, and no amount of protesting is going to fix it. he scrunches up his forehead a little though with the flick. ]

We were only able to save the world because we were together. [ it's mumbled, like an explanation why he's fixated on that part so much. ] Also I'm not saying any of this because I feel sorry for you. I'm saying it because we're friends.

[ idiot. but... again, not even really being given the option to figure it out sucks, but so does having to choose your responsibilities. he understands the crux of the problem better now and also why elysium's been annoying about this... but yosuke will simply be kind of annoying back. ]

It's different because our world's safe again and our responsibilities are less, yeah. [ begrudgingly admitting to this. ... it's elysium though, so. ] ... I don't really know what this is though. I don't want to feel that way about him so that I can keep spending time with him because I have the opportunity to.

[ Their CYOA really should've just sent them to a normal world so that Elysium would have more of a framework for what 'normal' should be… but when you come from an apocalyptic world, you kind of do generally have the mindset of wanting to push out all you can while you can.

What do you mean the likelihood that either you or your best friend experience a life-changing event over the next few years is slim-to-none? Wild. Still, he knows not to push past the point he already has and just nods contentedly to himself. ]

Mhm. So that's our update. [ Closes his book hopefully to shelve it forever. ] Like I told you last time, I just want you to think about it. And if talking to me can offer insight, that's what I'm here for. It's been what, a few days? I'm not expecting answers anytime soon, man. This stuff could affect you for years.

Sometimes I forget how different worlds can be. Sorry about that. I don't mean to make you feel rushed, either.

[ we need to au him for a taste of that normal life. but he does understand better now, why elysium's the way he is and what he's been saying. he doesn't like it, but he understands it. ]

... that's also partially on me. I didn't exactly make it easier with the different worlds thing. [ he can admit his own stubbornness for resisting. but he looks at him again before he sighs and drops his gaze. ]

I don't know how rushed this is when I think I've felt a way about this for... months, probably. And I just didn't see it. I also don't know if thinking about it right now is smart when it's so... not as important as everything else. [ elysium just told him he's dying and yosuke's supposed to think about a crush? please, that feels selfish. ]

Your future is just as important to me as your now. [ don't be silly. ] That said, looking too far out doesn't do anyone any good either. When I look at you, I can't help but worry. Is this what it feels like to have a younger brother? You guys were family.

[ Family he was ready to turn back on, but… we do not talk about that… He extends a hand and gently rests it on Yosuke's head. ]

Anyway, isn't that basically the point of this place? It forces us to reconcile with our memories and ourselves, either through our own revelations or other people. I'm willing to wager it's one of the several things that could count as progress towards your shard.

[ perhaps. he will admit there are people he grew closer to here than others in their short stint, and his cyoa fam are some of them. even before that he recognized that he and elysium were on similar wavelengths, and he liked and respected the guy. he may be joking when he talks about if this is how family feels, but yosuke sort of thinks "huh. yeah i guess." and the red string effect gets across the feeling of still being kind of happy to hear that.

he still doesn't move elysium's hand either, so. ]

... I don't want people to worry about my stupid problems, but at the same time I guess it isn't fair for me to worry about theirs without letting them. [ he sighs a little though. ] ... Yu is in my shard, and if I don't figure out how to save him and I lose him I don't think I can get past that. That's my first worry about all of this. And my second is that feeling more for him than I should would make me lose him anyway. It's sort of a two-fold issue.

[ without any sort of adverse reaction, he just pats his head once. twice. then, he withdraws his hand entirely. he has no words to accompany the action, he just hopes it's enough to speak for itself. ]

How has progress on your shard been? Have you been making steady advancements, or has it been steps forward and steps backward?

[ good enough. it means shoving aside that part to focus again, bowing his head briefly before looking up again. ]

It's always been forward, it feels like. I haven't felt like I'm going the wrong way but I know a few people haven't felt the same. That's a whole other problem we should try to help fix, too.

Then there's nothing wrong with you spending more time on yourself, yeah? It seems like following your heart's done you good. We're pretty much in a waiting game waiting for these mazes to spring up.

But that's how I feel, too. Especially now that we all know what we're looking for. It's one thing to be responsible for our own selves, and another thing entirely for another person.

I hate waiting. [ he's good at it, usually, but he hates it. ] It's like... they're further in the maze, but how do we know they're really safe until then? I don't like having to wait for the maze to let us proceed and be stuck waiting for it to say I'm doing this right.

[ a pause. ]

... who's in your shard anyway?

You and me both.

[ But what can they do? He's always been good at pretending to be glib.

Because it's Yosuke, he'll out his shard and hold it flat on his palm. He doesn't think he wouldn't believe him—but it pretty surreal. ]

Thorns. Weird, right? Apparently he hasn't had much luck with his shard… so maybe that's why he's here with us. I need to help him more directly, or something like that. When I haven't really been.

[ he leans forward a little to peer into the shard, and the surprise is pretty visible in his features. ]

... man. [ MAN!!!!! ] It's weird to have him be there and also here, but... yeah. He's one of the ones I was thinking about when he told me this place was starting to do stuff to force him to bond. [ man...... ]

How can I help you both?

He'll probably make more of an effort, now that he knows his decisions affect someone else. If I'm being real with you, with everything I've said, he'll have an easier time talking to you than me.

[ He rises to his feet, pocketing his shard with nonchalance. ]

So… if you could just be there for him, I'd appreciate it. And I know it's a given, but I'm here for you, too. Regardless of whatever I've said today.

Yeah, I get it. [ he can understand the hesitation of saying things to a person you know well and especially with their history. ]

I'll do what I can. I wanted to get to know him better anyway even before knowing he's important to you, so I can do that. [ but there's a half-smile. ] I appreciate it. I think... I need to maybe get better at asking for help, but we have a pretty important mission here.

[ give him a second and he'll bounce back to his feet. ]

[ He holds out a pinky and returns a half smile back. ]

To make sure our shards get back to where they need to be, right?

[ linking their pinkies together. ]

Whatever it takes.

INBOX for purgastory

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject