aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ every day i have to live with the fact he goes on to talk about rise's legs and also has a nurse kink and it destroys me. don't look at him. DON'T LOOK AT HIM!! ]

I'm not, like... [ his hands are still over his face. ] It's just kissing, it's not whatever the hell you two are doing.

[ If he wasn't so funny, Elysium would not be looking at him… ]

What do you mean by whatever the hell we're doing?

[ peers at. ]

It's not that big of a deal to have an interest in it—and I'm not talking about my situation specifically. What's there to be so shy about? It's normal.

I mean I'm not sitting here imagining either of them in a maid dress. [ flatly. does not realize he just mentioned there are two people he's thinking about, but he's moving on. ]

I get that it's normal now, but I think you probably think it isn't a big deal because you're used to this. People probably hit on you all the time and you probably have all kinds of experience. [ he just assumes elysium's so casual about so many things he's probably been with a good amount of people for fun even if not relationships. ]

… I'll tell you a secret! I'm shier than you think I am. [ why does he keep saying this. ] And honestly, that kind of experience doesn't mean much to me when it isn't done with feeling. Not that there's anything wrong with it—we're all different.

[ There's also the aside that it's sometimes more trouble than it's worth, especially paired with his flightiness, but that's neither here nor there as he gently ribs Yosuke. ]

But I think it helps knowing there's someone you can probably talk to, yeah? [ He drapes over him annoyingly. ] Your big bro's got you covered from A to Z.

[ he sits here with the knowledge of elysium sleeping with tobari and wonders if that was with feeling, too, but the rest of this does kinda make sense. what's the point of doing it without feeling behind it? if he's honest that's also part of why he really wanted a girlfriend initially but never really got off the ground. realistically, he probably never really liked someone that much. ]

Yeah... I guess that's true. It's going through the motions then and that doesn't feel right either. [ there's a surprised little noise when elysium drapes on him, hand coming up to push at his cheek but doing nothing to actively shove him off because he does in fact recognize that this is what their friendship's turned into. ]

I do appreciate your perspective, you know. Not like I can really talk to my friends about this when I get home anyway. [ he would rather die actually, it's embarrassing. ] But it's nice. Knowing the difference, I mean.

[ but i promised you a trululu, so the lake ripples and soon gives way to a memory of his own (with both the "cheer up" option and the "you're right" option being the right ones.) elysium will also understand that this was the moment yosuke decided he would die for this fool. ]

[ that was the least amount of feeling possible in a single physically charged interaction, sorry yoyo. he would tell you this in plain if he knew what was in your noggin, but maybe it's better that they don't have that conversation for both of our sanities. ]

I won't lie and say it doesn't feel incredible in the moment. But you could say that about all the highs people chase, both literally and figuratively. As soon as that high fades, there's nothing left until you start chasing the next one. [ The funniest part is that Elysium does take substances of all kinds, but no one needs to know that. In public, under watchful eyes, he is responsible. Sometimes you just need to take the edge off something, and here… that was about the only avenue for it. ] … Still, it is fully possible to have a healthy relationship with it and treat it like any other form of stress relief. But that isn't for everyone, either.

[ But at what the lake decides to show them next—

it kills me how "i have family and friends and… you" keeps getting me even years later. ]

I said this to someone else a while back, but it's pretty incredible what a single relationship can do for you, isn't it? That one exception that makes you realise things aren't so bad after all. That guiding star you believe in, the one you'd follow anywhere if you could to see the world from their view.

[ He closes his eyes, letting the warmth from the memory wash over him. This isn't the first time he's caught himself thinking about how deeply fond Yosuke makes him feel. ]

… Now that we're getting so close to the end, do you feel like you've come any closer to figuring out what you want to do?

[ for the love of god they really do not need to have that conversation actually, thank you. he will happily pretend this didn't happen for the rest of his life.

he does raise an eyebrow because he's a pretty good kid and has zero exposure to any kinds of drugs or alcohol usually so he's sort of like "sure? i guess?" as he slowly nods along. ]

I guess... whatever makes you feel good in the moment until you find something a little permanent. Or as long as you don't let it control you.

[ he won't judge? that's whatever, who cares. but then the lake is embarrassing and he can feel the way his faces heats up in his embarrassment. god. what the hell was he even talking about back then? how did yu let him just ramble like an idiot? more importantly, how did yosuke go so long without realizing he had a massive crush on his best friend? foolish. all of it!

still... elysium doesn't make fun of him which is a relief, and instead he seems supportive (which why wouldn't he, considering?) it takes a few moments for him to dredge up an answer though. ]

If there's anything I've learned in the last year it's that a single relationship can change your entire life. [ which is why he sort of smiles to the question. ] Now that we're close to the end? Guess it's about following my own guiding star. Even if it led me here, it meant... you know. Going through all of this, but getting the chance to meet you and everyone else. I think this is exactly where I was supposed to go. And as for what to do after that? [ ... ] I'd be kinda hypocritical telling you to talk to Thorns if I didn't evaluate my own shit, wouldn't I? So I guess... that.

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