aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ half of these organically have turned up on my tl over the last like week tbh. ]

See, you get it. It's not bad though, I can hear Yu through just about anything. [ he has fairly good hearing and also selective hearing, and he knows it. but he gestures for his headphones back. gib. ]

You wanted to spar, right? [ that wasn't entirely it either, but the flare-up of anxious energy hits again. ]

[ Okay, okay, this part of his fun's over. The mention of that one name has him grinning again. ]

Yeah? Be sure to add me to the VIP list too, thanks! Catch—!

[ He tosses the headphone back in an arc. Then, in tandem, he moves forward to try and cut through his side. How's Toto's multitasking? Love my autocorrect for choosing that over Yoyo. ]

And yeah, I did. I still do. But weren't we supposed to talk about things at the same time, my man?

What makes you think you aren't, man? [ they're cyoa comrades, of course he'll listen. but he catches the headphones and slips them on, and given somehow my rolls for combat and combat only are high, he's apparently able to not only change the song but also block the strike to his side as he bends out of the way. ]

Good point. [ he's diving forward to try and cut from the front. ] You tell Thorns you remember him yet?

[ The way he's both ready and not ready for this conversation. But it's so true——they're CYOA buddies and he still feels like he owes the world to all the people who'd kept him from doing something he would've regret. If his situation gives Yosuke any insight whatsoever for his, then the least he can do is be a little honest, even if a part of it might be for himself, too. ]

No—ope. Gotta say it: no one knows how to piss you off quite like you do.

[ I somehow rolled one higher than you so I guess this means he manages dodge and potentially knock one of his daggers away. tch. It won't be Yosuke's imagination if he notices his grip tightening on his sword. ]

I'm just as bad at jostling status quo as you are.

[ he dodges and he jostles a dagger out of yosuke's hand, and he fumbles it a little just enough to take his eyes off of elysium and try to catch it. he does notice the tighter grip though, and it just tells him to tread carefully. ]

You think? [ a little dry, but... ] I don't know if I'd blame you if our positions were reversed. What are you even supposed to say in that situation? But you'll have to eventually, won't you?

[ he swipes his knife through the air, not to cut elysium but to direct his persona that blasts a large gust of wind his direction. ]

[ elysium like today i choose violence against myself… truly who would understand him better than the personas. ]

… Even if I don't say anything, he's bound to reach out to me anyway. That's just the kind of person he is. But that week, for the first time, I broke the status quo between us. Have you ever thought about it yourself? What you'd say to Yu if you didn't have to deal with the fallout? Or have to worry about how things would change?

Those're the kinds of things I've been forced to think about lately. It's great. [ sarcasm. ] Feels like I've been working under a time limit, yeah.

[ aaaaand since we got the same roll, he's just going to take a small little tumble to the side. ]

Pulling out the stops now, huh?

[ elysium also is causing violence with the personas themselves i see. but it's fine. ]

I got that impression. He told me a little about you even before I really got to know you, you know? [ but he has to think about this. ] This isn't about me and Yu right now, but I get it. You don't hold back what you're saying, and in the end it can really screw things up for the other person when you get to walk away from it.

[ but he gets why that's the problem, because: ]

Except the thing is you did say these things, and now you have to figure out how to deal with the belated fallout after he's had time to sit on it.

[ he bounds back, kicking his second knife up into his hand and twirling it as elysium tumbles. ]

You wanted to see what it could do, didn't you?

[ sometimes a little violence is good for the soul and character progression what can we say ]

Did he? He probably said something about me being annoying. [ He says, entirely fond. ] But this is really about you and Yu. I'm only talking to you now because, unlike us, your future's still undetermined.

[ By the time he's back to his feet, he's smiling brightly. ]

… And to an extent, yeah. Whatever happens, it doesn't change where we're headed. But maybe the path there will look a little different, and that's the frightening part. If I were you——I probably wouldn't let go. Even if I were called a bother over and over again.

He called you a good friend and said you'd do all the socializing for him, actually. [ another sideswipe. ]

Explain to me how your fates are stuck this way. You really can't change it? [ he will get back to yu soon, he is so behind elythorns right now. ]

Wow. He's surprisingly charitable when I'm not around.

[ FOR GOOD REASON. Another dodge. ]

And I wouldn't say we're stuck. More that it would be really irresponsible not to keep doing what we're doing. [ A pause—then a slash. Like he's just going through the motions. ] Imagine if there were another option for you. There are other people who could take your place in saving the world. At the end of the day, it's not your responsibility to carry that on your shoulders. You're one guy, and there are many other guys who could replace you.

But you wouldn't be able to accept that anyway, could you?

What we're doing isn't quite as drastic, but it's a similar kind of reasoning. We each have our own strengths that have led us down our paths… and in the end, we want the same thing. We're both working toward the same future—one, where everyone who comes after us doesn't have to live our struggles. And that's all we can ask for.

Probably because he knows you'd say something about it if you heard. [ he says, spilling the beans anyway. his knives follow through the motions, more to keep up the guise than actually fighting. ]

Anyway of course I wouldn't just accept that just because some other guy could replace us, but you make it sound like your paths won't converge and what you're setting out to do for the future won't allow you time together. Is that really true? Are you really so far apart even though you both want the same thing?

[ Their playfighting… this is such funny imagery. ]

Oh, the issue isn't whether our paths will converge again. They will. It's that we both have to accept that one day, they might stop doing so without any warning. That's the reality of it.

… And of the two, one path is far more likely to end earlier than the other. [ In tandem with a strike: ] I'm sick.

[ anyway it's funny that they went from real fighting to playfighting so my low roll means something because elysium drops that bomb and yosuke's attempting to dodge the strike and eating shit with a loud yelp.

he stays on the ground for a second, pushing himself up on his elbows to stare at him. ]

You... [ oh... ] Oh.

[ why is this the second time someone he really likes has said this. ]

... I assume Thorns knows?

[ Why is this the second time someone's said this to him, I'm in tears. Why are there so many sick people in Purgatory.

Regardless, he squats down in front of Yosuke, hands settling on both his cheeks. ]

Yeah. Most of the people who work for my company are. Where I'm from, what we're sick with used to be both a social stigma and a death sentence. It's still the latter, but it's far less the former than it used to be. I'd say I can go through maybe a fifth of Terra and not feel particularly discriminated against? Mostly because those areas have a lot more to worry about than just getting infected.

[ A soft laugh. ]

You know what I mean now, right? When I say I don't want to hurt him any more than I will?

[ i don't know but he hates it actually.

which is to say elysium joins him on the ground and he allows this and completely forgets to feel anything but kind of lowkey crushed about this because it does not add up with the picture of elysium he's had for weeks. ]

I mean I don't think I have to tell you it's kind of shitty to be discriminated against for being sick, but I don't know how Terra feels. [ granted, he is also aware of this being a thing for certain diseases on earth, so he settles for another frown. ]

... I do get it, but I think I also just think if he knows, isn't it more fair for him to get to make a choice, too? [ ... ] I don't really know how you feel about him, I guess. Sorry, maybe I'm kind of assuming because... sorry. [ he actually doesn't even know what sort of relationship the two of them have, he may have been projecting solely based off of him and yu and how thorns was in that glass coffin. and how they talk to and about each other. ]

You know you're working on what's basically borrowed time. Don't you think it's worse not to use it than to try and figure some things out to spend more time together?

We're too important at our jobs, Yosuke. Spending more time together will take away from helping other people. Of course we'll make it out to see each other, but I imagine it'll be under the pretense of work going forward.

[ There's nothing but acceptance in his voice—why wouldn't there be? He'd accepted this since he'd first gotten Infected. Seeing Yosuke feel for him is as bittersweet as it is warming, and almost instinctively, he finds himself reaching out to gently flick his forehead. ]

That's a whole lot of apologies out of you for no reason. I didn't tell you all of this for you to be sorry for me. Rather… that's why I keep telling you that I'm envious of you and Yu. It's not that we ever made the mistake of never prioritising each other—it's that we were never given the option among all the other things that are important to us. We'll regret it more if we ignore our responsibilities.

[ Well, this is a little of a lie. Unfortunately, he can and has skipped out of work from time to time, but…

It's fine. Allowing yourself the occasional bit of selfishness, so long as it isn't excessive. ]

It's different for you, though, isn't it?

[ this is where they sort of differ because despite everything with the murders and the tv world, he's still very much a teenager who sometimes is very adamant about how he thinks things should go because he doesn't have the worldly experience or understanding of things. he doesn't know the full extent of everything happening in terra, only gleaning bits and pieces from what he's heard from elysium before, but that also makes it a little harder to accept.

he does have to accept that obviously elysium would know better, and no amount of protesting is going to fix it. he scrunches up his forehead a little though with the flick. ]

We were only able to save the world because we were together. [ it's mumbled, like an explanation why he's fixated on that part so much. ] Also I'm not saying any of this because I feel sorry for you. I'm saying it because we're friends.

[ idiot. but... again, not even really being given the option to figure it out sucks, but so does having to choose your responsibilities. he understands the crux of the problem better now and also why elysium's been annoying about this... but yosuke will simply be kind of annoying back. ]

It's different because our world's safe again and our responsibilities are less, yeah. [ begrudgingly admitting to this. ... it's elysium though, so. ] ... I don't really know what this is though. I don't want to feel that way about him so that I can keep spending time with him because I have the opportunity to.

[ Their CYOA really should've just sent them to a normal world so that Elysium would have more of a framework for what 'normal' should be… but when you come from an apocalyptic world, you kind of do generally have the mindset of wanting to push out all you can while you can.

What do you mean the likelihood that either you or your best friend experience a life-changing event over the next few years is slim-to-none? Wild. Still, he knows not to push past the point he already has and just nods contentedly to himself. ]

Mhm. So that's our update. [ Closes his book hopefully to shelve it forever. ] Like I told you last time, I just want you to think about it. And if talking to me can offer insight, that's what I'm here for. It's been what, a few days? I'm not expecting answers anytime soon, man. This stuff could affect you for years.

Sometimes I forget how different worlds can be. Sorry about that. I don't mean to make you feel rushed, either.

[ we need to au him for a taste of that normal life. but he does understand better now, why elysium's the way he is and what he's been saying. he doesn't like it, but he understands it. ]

... that's also partially on me. I didn't exactly make it easier with the different worlds thing. [ he can admit his own stubbornness for resisting. but he looks at him again before he sighs and drops his gaze. ]

I don't know how rushed this is when I think I've felt a way about this for... months, probably. And I just didn't see it. I also don't know if thinking about it right now is smart when it's so... not as important as everything else. [ elysium just told him he's dying and yosuke's supposed to think about a crush? please, that feels selfish. ]

Your future is just as important to me as your now. [ don't be silly. ] That said, looking too far out doesn't do anyone any good either. When I look at you, I can't help but worry. Is this what it feels like to have a younger brother? You guys were family.

[ Family he was ready to turn back on, but… we do not talk about that… He extends a hand and gently rests it on Yosuke's head. ]

Anyway, isn't that basically the point of this place? It forces us to reconcile with our memories and ourselves, either through our own revelations or other people. I'm willing to wager it's one of the several things that could count as progress towards your shard.

[ perhaps. he will admit there are people he grew closer to here than others in their short stint, and his cyoa fam are some of them. even before that he recognized that he and elysium were on similar wavelengths, and he liked and respected the guy. he may be joking when he talks about if this is how family feels, but yosuke sort of thinks "huh. yeah i guess." and the red string effect gets across the feeling of still being kind of happy to hear that.

he still doesn't move elysium's hand either, so. ]

... I don't want people to worry about my stupid problems, but at the same time I guess it isn't fair for me to worry about theirs without letting them. [ he sighs a little though. ] ... Yu is in my shard, and if I don't figure out how to save him and I lose him I don't think I can get past that. That's my first worry about all of this. And my second is that feeling more for him than I should would make me lose him anyway. It's sort of a two-fold issue.

[ without any sort of adverse reaction, he just pats his head once. twice. then, he withdraws his hand entirely. he has no words to accompany the action, he just hopes it's enough to speak for itself. ]

How has progress on your shard been? Have you been making steady advancements, or has it been steps forward and steps backward?

[ good enough. it means shoving aside that part to focus again, bowing his head briefly before looking up again. ]

It's always been forward, it feels like. I haven't felt like I'm going the wrong way but I know a few people haven't felt the same. That's a whole other problem we should try to help fix, too.

Then there's nothing wrong with you spending more time on yourself, yeah? It seems like following your heart's done you good. We're pretty much in a waiting game waiting for these mazes to spring up.

But that's how I feel, too. Especially now that we all know what we're looking for. It's one thing to be responsible for our own selves, and another thing entirely for another person.

I hate waiting. [ he's good at it, usually, but he hates it. ] It's like... they're further in the maze, but how do we know they're really safe until then? I don't like having to wait for the maze to let us proceed and be stuck waiting for it to say I'm doing this right.

[ a pause. ]

... who's in your shard anyway?

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