aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ his little squeak.... tobari lets go of yosuke once he's done trying to get at the ice, setting him down so he can sit properly. he frowns when the notebook comes out to communicate, and sighs as he goes to sit down next to yosuke, reading over the page. ]

Ah.

[ acknowledging. it's pretty what the hell. ]

Like there was a good time to bring it up? [ a beat ] It doesn't change what I have to do.

[ he's not even sure how tobari's going to do anything if he's fucking dead, but that's fine! he guesses! he's just alarmed about this and scribbles on the page again. ]

I can think of a few times, but I also think I get why you didn't mention it.
I know it doesn't change it, but how now?

[ great question yosuke ]

Suzune's somewhere alone and I have to go get her.

[ as an older brother, that's it. she's sleeping somewhere here, and he has to go get here. even if it's just so they can walk off together to whatever comes next, even if it's not back to the land of the living. sometimes you just refuse to leave your kid sibling alone for even a moment. ]

So... even if I can't promise that it'll be alright... [ that they'll be revived and able to get back to their lives (and would tobari even want to? he's so torn) ]

... Everything's gonna be fine.

[ a thing he says without any concretes but just... because he doesn't want yosuke to worry after him any more than he already he is ]

[ he would never tell him not to go after suzune. but at the same time, he also knows there's no point in arguing. tobari has likely thought of all of this before, knows that there are other priorities than his own death, and that there isn't a solid solution.

so he doesn't reply right away, fingernails picking at the ice and looking at the frosty surface for a bit. ]

You know. I've had a few people tell me about their situations being terminally sick and they've kinda expressed they didn't want to tell me either. I get why.
But this is just cruel.

[ bringing a dead girl to purgatory and then bringing a dead man to come save her. ]

[ . . . well. he just huffs out a breath, an exhale somewhere between morbidly amused and also just... tired. ]

Maybe it's just a long trend about things in my life and afterlife being fucked up.

[ and he has to think it's almost kind of funny, or else he'll lose his mind over it ]

... so maybe that's why I'm uniquely able to handle it.

[ this is true, and yet. ]

I'm not going to lie to you and say I don't think you're excellent at handling things.
Just like I'm not going to say I know it doesn't mean much for me to say I wish you didn't have to.
Wishing doesn't change what you have to do or what's happened.
But it'd be nice if things weren't fucked up for you once or twice.

[ well.

he'll just reach out then, placing a hand atop yosuke's head. he doesn't ruffle his hair annoyingly this time. it's just an affectionate, gentle touch from a rough, calloused hand that's seen way too much violence and blood. ]

... meeting you has been pretty good.

[ and he knows what yosuke means. that sometimes it'd be nice if tobari wasn't inherently thrown into terrible situations just by nature of existing, or it didn't feel like everything in his life had gone wrong.

... but he means it, sincerely, that there are still some things that have gone right. ]

[ he keeps his head bowed for a second while this happens, and he's actually going to send tobari through the ice himself. he will not, but hearing that is both good and confusing. he's happy that they've met and he's made an impact, but also he's still a fairly average person to have met.

maybe that's the point. he doesn't quite say anything again, but he also is less hesitant to scooch closer and curl against him. is it for warmth? is it comfort? is it both? debatable. ]

You already know how I feel about that, too.

[ now he really does wish they'd met sooner knowing that he may stay dead after this. ]

[ they sure are stuck on the ice, but it's fine. when yosuke scooches in closer to him, tobari lifts his arm just enough to make it easier for him to tuck himself in in a half-hug. the brotherly type of affection is easier, but tobari's not against being tactile when the moment calls for it.

realizing that someone you started to see as family is dead seems like as good a time as any to call for it. ]

Mm. I do. But the time we get moving forward is plenty for me.

[ because it's time that he didn't have ]

So just keep putting one foot in front of the other for me, alright?

[ too many of you people are sick or dead or are going back to doomed circumstances and it sucks!! it sucks on top of saki-senpai's death from last year and yu moving away and it just adds to the pile of people yosuke's grown to care about being pulled out of his reach. so yes, tobari has to deal with this. ]

I'm trying, man. Trust me.
I know we gotta be grateful you have the extra time here, but I guess I'm selfish. I want more than that.

[ he would love if they could figure out how to not let tobari be dead, but he's here for suzune and he already knows how this is gonna go. ]

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