aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ … Yeah, he figures this conversation would be something like throwing a bone. Oh, the dangers of getting close to people. Their concern warms your heart, but it also it drags you down into an unfathomable abyss of guilt and self-loathing. ]

If I answer that question, he'll sense it and snipe me where I stand. Even so, I am happy, happier than I've ever been. I'm sure he is, too. It doesn't change the fact that the future's scarier than ever, but I figure the solution to that is to just make him so happy he has no regrets.

How does that sound?

[ well no don't you feel guilt too, elysium. no!!! only happy!!! ]

It sounds very cute and very sweet and very much like I told you so weeks ago. [ said like a bratty teenager. ] ... I want you to be happy. For as long as possible. I think it's good for both of you, you obviously care about each other. Which of you finally made the decision anyway?

I tell you one thing and you run the entire distance with it. You're such a brat.

[ Says the brackets and noogies him, and just kind of keeps him in place even long after he's done. He sighs, eventually using Yosuke as an some kind of rest. Arm rest? Chin rest? All of the above. ]

And my selective amnesiac self did. [ He looks so chagrined thinking about this. ] I started all sorts of trouble and things just happened from there.

[ under his breath, ]

This place makes it kind of hard for things not to happen…

[ he can't even be mad, he just laughs and makes the most minor efforts to push elysium's hand out of his hair before letting himself become a resting post. ]

Ah... you mean back when you didn't actually remember who he was? Or did something new get forgotten? I guess it doesn't matter, whatever. [ he raises an eyebrow though. ] ... either way, he reciprocated. That's good. That's better than good.

You got it right the first time. When I was saying something about things probably changing… I meant this.

[ He trails, laughing, waving it off. You do stupid things like crossing boundaries that can't be uncrossed, leaving things that couldn't just be left unaddressed. ]

It's weird, losing such a big part of yourself. Slowly realising how little like yourself you feel as time passes, then repeating it all over again when you get the full context of it.

… But because of that, I'll be fine. A big part of Oripathy is your mental willpower, and I've got loads of things I want to do still. Even more so, now.

[ Ignore the teensy tiny emotionshare of melancholy, as what overwhelms it is conviction. ]

[ he thinks about this... ]

Yeah, if you didn't already know your relationship with him but you just felt a way about him anyway, I can see that setting some things off. [ he hums a little. ]

... but I get it. Losing your sense of self and then going backwards and rebuilding. You do seem to have a really strong willpower. You're stubborn like I am, that's part of what I like about you.

[ he will not ignore the melancholy, but what he will do is try to make things a little lighter. ]

So, that means you should take him on a lot of nice dates while you can and make a plan for what to tackle first. What kind of stuff are you thinking anyway?

[ uuuuugh YOSUKE!!!! Despite everything, he really does feel unbelievably lucky. For all the things he's done that make him feel undeserving of this happiness, he knows that for the sake of the people he cherishes, he has to keep moving forward and actually live his life.

It's the least he can do if he expects others to do the same. ]

I'm gonna be so real with you, Yosuke. When you look at that guy, do you see someone who enjoys leisurely walks through a garden or a meal at a nice restaurant? He'd be far more interested in figuring out which plants are poisonous, or having an entire head of cabbage before stopping to admire flowers for their aesthetics or fine dining.

[ He sounds like he's complaining, but the fondness in his voice is unmistakable. Emotionshare, sensationshare, none of those are needed to see the affection seeping through him. ]

… That said, he'd still make the effort. Wherever I'd take him, he'd go if he thought it'd make me happy. Idiot.

What I'm saying is, I've got my work cut out for me if I want to think of places that aren't a lab or the beach. But there are a few things I had in mind that I'd know he'd appreciate. [ He gives Yosuke a sidelong glance.

"The expression he'd make if I told him what would probably be pretty funny." ]

[ sorry this is the funniest thing in the world, wait a minute. ]

Cabbage...? [ thorns? ] Anyway I said nice, not schmoopy. Nice can mean different things to different people! If that's what Thorns is into, then you guys just trade to do things you both like.

[ the affection's so cute... he's so soft about this actually because yosuke is a bit of a romantic and he thinks they both deserve something nice together. ]

He does seem to like you best, so that's not surprising. What's wrong with the beach though? [ he does raise an eyebrow though. he already knows more about elysium's sex life than he ever wanted to know in the first place and that is in fact his first assumption but... ] I'm probably better off not knowing, huh?

That's true… but I really had to hammer home what I'm working with. It's hard. And when I said I had a few things in mind, I didn't mean the beach. Luckily, he's pretty normal about enjoying those.

Maybe I'll tell you when you're older?

[ the way he has no idea that yosuke knows about him and tobari. and sorry, but

He's about to get thoughtshares of racy maid dresses and lingerie, mostly because it's hard not to think about now that he's been reminded. "Long skirt or short skirt…?" ]

Yeah, fair enough. I shouldn't be surprised with what I know about him. You guys are kinda opposites. At least you know what you're getting into?

[ unfortunately he catches that thought, and he knows too much, so there's a thoughtshare of thorns in a short maid dress before he just makes an agitated and scandalized noise. ]

Dude! Keep your thoughts to yourself!

[ …

Sends back another thoughtshare of this Thorns in a short maid dress except better characterised because he is ill. He looks like he's about to kill someone. He nods sagely… all is right with the world. ]

Nice. [ NICE!!!!!!!! Like he is hearing none of Yosuke's protests. ] Except I was thinking about it the other way around.

[ Elysium in a maid dress… ]

[ WHAT DID HE JUST SAY, NOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT ELYSIUM IN THE SAME DRESS? he's busy scrubbing his hands over his face. ]

Okay! [ a little too loudly. AHHH. ] ... wait, is that what he's into? I guess maids aren't a bad choice...

Right? I didn't think he'd care about that stuff, but he really is a pirate now… wow…

And if you're putting it like that, what would you say is a better choice?

[ THEY'RE JUST HAVING THIS CONVERSATION ]

Oh. Yeah , that would do it. [ pirates seem horny, sure. WHY ARE THEY HAVINF THIS DISCUSSION. ]

What makes you think I have a preference? [ ignore the thoughtshare of rise kujikawa in a nurse outfit that he is desperately trying to stamp out. ]

[ they are two boys ]

Oooh… that would do it, too.

[ Repeats his words as he places a hand on Yosuke's shoulder.

Thumbs up. ]

[ now they both know too much... ]

It's just... the shape. [ why are you explaining. stop that. ] N-never mind, anyway! I don't need to know, but you're adults so whatever. Have fun while you can.

You mean… the figure?

[ GO ON ]

What about you? Have you been having fun while you can?

Yeah? I mean with any short skirt it's the legs. They always look good. [ rise would oscillate between being annoyed and being flattered if she heard this and she's right. but he sputters a little. ]

What do you mean? I've been hanging out with people and stuff so yeah I guess? [ IMMEDIATELY PLAYS STUPID despite blushing immediately. ]

[ It is about the legs… He gets it, he gets it. ]

Woah. Look at you. You're all red. If you're too shy to share, that's fine.

[ every day i have to live with the fact he goes on to talk about rise's legs and also has a nurse kink and it destroys me. don't look at him. DON'T LOOK AT HIM!! ]

I'm not, like... [ his hands are still over his face. ] It's just kissing, it's not whatever the hell you two are doing.

[ If he wasn't so funny, Elysium would not be looking at him… ]

What do you mean by whatever the hell we're doing?

[ peers at. ]

It's not that big of a deal to have an interest in it—and I'm not talking about my situation specifically. What's there to be so shy about? It's normal.

I mean I'm not sitting here imagining either of them in a maid dress. [ flatly. does not realize he just mentioned there are two people he's thinking about, but he's moving on. ]

I get that it's normal now, but I think you probably think it isn't a big deal because you're used to this. People probably hit on you all the time and you probably have all kinds of experience. [ he just assumes elysium's so casual about so many things he's probably been with a good amount of people for fun even if not relationships. ]

… I'll tell you a secret! I'm shier than you think I am. [ why does he keep saying this. ] And honestly, that kind of experience doesn't mean much to me when it isn't done with feeling. Not that there's anything wrong with it—we're all different.

[ There's also the aside that it's sometimes more trouble than it's worth, especially paired with his flightiness, but that's neither here nor there as he gently ribs Yosuke. ]

But I think it helps knowing there's someone you can probably talk to, yeah? [ He drapes over him annoyingly. ] Your big bro's got you covered from A to Z.

[ he sits here with the knowledge of elysium sleeping with tobari and wonders if that was with feeling, too, but the rest of this does kinda make sense. what's the point of doing it without feeling behind it? if he's honest that's also part of why he really wanted a girlfriend initially but never really got off the ground. realistically, he probably never really liked someone that much. ]

Yeah... I guess that's true. It's going through the motions then and that doesn't feel right either. [ there's a surprised little noise when elysium drapes on him, hand coming up to push at his cheek but doing nothing to actively shove him off because he does in fact recognize that this is what their friendship's turned into. ]

I do appreciate your perspective, you know. Not like I can really talk to my friends about this when I get home anyway. [ he would rather die actually, it's embarrassing. ] But it's nice. Knowing the difference, I mean.

[ but i promised you a trululu, so the lake ripples and soon gives way to a memory of his own (with both the "cheer up" option and the "you're right" option being the right ones.) elysium will also understand that this was the moment yosuke decided he would die for this fool. ]

[ that was the least amount of feeling possible in a single physically charged interaction, sorry yoyo. he would tell you this in plain if he knew what was in your noggin, but maybe it's better that they don't have that conversation for both of our sanities. ]

I won't lie and say it doesn't feel incredible in the moment. But you could say that about all the highs people chase, both literally and figuratively. As soon as that high fades, there's nothing left until you start chasing the next one. [ The funniest part is that Elysium does take substances of all kinds, but no one needs to know that. In public, under watchful eyes, he is responsible. Sometimes you just need to take the edge off something, and here… that was about the only avenue for it. ] … Still, it is fully possible to have a healthy relationship with it and treat it like any other form of stress relief. But that isn't for everyone, either.

[ But at what the lake decides to show them next—

it kills me how "i have family and friends and… you" keeps getting me even years later. ]

I said this to someone else a while back, but it's pretty incredible what a single relationship can do for you, isn't it? That one exception that makes you realise things aren't so bad after all. That guiding star you believe in, the one you'd follow anywhere if you could to see the world from their view.

[ He closes his eyes, letting the warmth from the memory wash over him. This isn't the first time he's caught himself thinking about how deeply fond Yosuke makes him feel. ]

… Now that we're getting so close to the end, do you feel like you've come any closer to figuring out what you want to do?

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aerodynamic - 2026-01-04 10:43 (UTC) - Expand