aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

... yeah, I guess that'd do it.

[ even I don't think I would've let Hinagiku go if I saw that

he's not here to talk about his het though ]

... but my point was that in the end, you're here to see him. We've obviously met a lot of people and you've grown up a ton. [ he's actually really proud of yosuke even in the weeks that he's gotten to know him ] But... it makes sense that as we get closer to the end, you'll have to confront some of what you've learned about yourself.

[ the look he gives tobari says that he should talk about his het because he's nosy. but he knows they will not, so... ]

Yeah. I came here to get him back, and even though we've all met each other and bonded, nothing changes that. I can't just leave all of that behind, thinking it might disappear wasn't an excuse to try and ditch all of that. I can confront it.

[ maybe if yosuke wants to ask but tobari will not volunteer information... ]

... you've grown a lot in a short while.

[ just musing on it ]

[ he will possibly come back to this. as it is, what tobari says rattles him enough he's a little surprised. ]

... you think so? [ he does still have a need for validation. that part never changed. but there's something about hearing this from tobari who's only known him for a few weeks that makes him happy. ] I'm glad. I wanted to keep trying to even without the others with me. I just wasn't sure how much I'd accomplish.

[ without his usual support network, it was always hit or miss. ]

[ he smiles a little bit, amused at the surprise ]

Ah. Trying to get you to confront your feelings straightforwardly when we met was a fucking headache. But it's nice to hear that you're willing to at least look at them, even if you don't know how things'll turn out yet.

So you've done well.

In my defense there's a big learning curve between assuming I could never be interested in guys and suddenly being in love with my best friend, and having a strange point it out was enough to make me question everything about myself.

[ sometimes you panic. ]

... I will admit that without you, I probably wouldn't consider it. It's scary. All of it. But I can at least be a little more confident in the choices.

[ he still doesn't know why yosuke was so stuck on not being into guys but if ryuji was having the same issue maybe that's just homophobia... well. ]

Just remember that things have a way smaller chance of blowing up than you actually think, regardless of whatever it is you choose.

[ but tobari won't hound him on it. ]

I won't lie that I'm curious, but now that you've figured it out to where you're comfortable... it's also not anyone's business except yours.

[ in case people are nudging him to confess.... ]

[ surprise, it's just homophobia... ]

I know. [ ... ] A lot of the fear about it blowing up was because I already knew I'd bound us together for life. If it went poorly, he'd be stuck with me regardless and that was... a lot to think about.

[ again, he just got scared about it. ]

If anybody "deserves" to have their curiosity satisfied it'd probably you. I'm just... trying to decide when or how, and there's the whole Ryuji thing which adds a new layer of stuff to it. Like do I tell him I was busy fooling around with someone else before I maybe confess to him? Do I stop doing anything like this with other people when we get back? Stuff like that.

[ . . . . ]

Are you looking for advice or do you want to ride it out?

[ like. he has opinions and as a big brother does feel motivated to give them however

he also thinks it's important for yosuke to trust his gut, so maybe having him decide if he wants to get an opinion is worth it ]

[ he does appreciate tobari asking before just dumping this on him. ]

If it's advice I don't entirely agree with, I don't have to take it. But you tend to have good advice and a good perspective, so... sure, I'll hear it out.

[ he nods. in that case, ]

People have different levels of comfort about hearing about exes or past partners. If you bring them up, it gives the impression you haven't let go of them. It's fine if Ryuji's still your friend, but I wouldn't volunteer that information to Yu out the gate or else it might muddle what you actually want to say.

Similarly... whether or not you hook up with other people depends on how serious you are about Yu. It sounds like you figured out a lot about yourself as is... so now it's up to you on whether you think you'd want to keep pursuing it as stress relief for fun, or if you want to actually try something with the person you care about most.

If it's the latter, you should cut it out entirely. If you decide to treasure someone, treasure them completely. No room for misunderstanding.

[ so says the advice and life experience of a red light district man ]

[ this actually makes sense. it's not the worst advice, and it's sort of in line with what he was thinking to begin with. ]

I mean... I think I'm pretty serious about Yu. [ that's his eurydice, his partner, the idiot he's now bound himself to forever. ] I want to tell him someday, probably. I don't know how much I can handle just... not, you know? Now that time's passed and I know how I feel.

Ryuji and I are from the exact same version of our world, but we're five years apart. We don't know each other there, and I don't even know how we'll find each other again someday. So... after we leave, obviously things would stop. Both of us know it's just for fun anyway.

[ well. probably. ]

[ he nods... yes he remembers... younger guys.... also it's good that tobari can't read the final brackets or else this'll be a big problem

but in that case, ]

Then there you have it. No need to hook up with anyone else, just tell Yu how you feel and when it makes sense, you can go over past relationship stuff.

[ no point in hiding things anyway.... ]

[ it's fine, this is a potential problem for future yosuke if he still has confusing feelings when he gets home. but he's convinced he won't thus tobari doesn't need to know. ]

Okay. No hooking up with anyone else... figure out what to tell Yu and when and then maybe talk about the rest here. I can do that. The, like, telling part is still a little scary but it's a little more doable than before. That has to count for something.

It does.

[ he'll be confident if yosuke is still experiencing doubts ]

It's fine if you're still nervous about it... but if it feels a little more doable every day until you feel like you've worked up the confidence properly, then you're already there.

Right?

Yes? [ please sound more sure. ] Yeah. ... if I'm honest, even if he doesn't feel the same way I know he'll still be okay with it and just let me down gently which is actually more embarrassing than telling him in the first place, but I could probably get over that. Kinda don't have much of a choice since we're stuck together forever now.

[ again, the buyer's remorse was so real at first. ]

Depending on how much he remembers of this experience, too, he probably needs a little time anyway.

[ nods... ]

Then take your time with it. Like you said, he's not going anywhere. There's no one's timeline or expectations that you have to meet.

Just you and your best friend, figuring out what your relationship looks like next. Something tells me it'll only get stronger from here, even if it comes in a way you don't expect.

[ there's a moment he seems to be considering this before there's a soft laugh. ]

And as usual, you're right. Who am I to ignore such solid advice? [ he at least feels more sure now that before. ] Thanks, Tobari. Kinda thought you were gonna call me an idiot for binding us together forever but... just gotta work with it now. I can do that.

[ he tilts his head at that, raising a brow ]

If you love someone and circumstances make sense, why wouldn't you hold onto them for as long as you can?

[ this is so funny to type after announcing that tobari is no longer in love with his mc in chat ]

[ i am flying over colorado and wondering what the fuck happened and how. why!! OKAY.

it's fine, yosuke is letting tobari's business be tobari's business. ]

There's always the chance they don't want to be held onto, maybe? If you really does want to be with someone else, maybe I just blocked that. But that's hypothetical and I get your point. For me as a person, sure, it made sense.

[ it's so funnyyyyyy ]

Who says that the love has to be romantic? I do think you're overthinking...

But as far as I'm concerned, it just means that you have your best friend for life. Who wouldn't want that?

[ the look that says they both know he's very good at that. ]

Yeah, yeah... you're not wrong. That's originally what I thought I was getting anyway. So... hopefully by the next time I see you, I'll have a different update for you.

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