aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ aw yosuke. soo-won will just settle himself right next to yosuke then, making it evidently clear he won't plan on going anywhere then, sitting close enough for their shoulders to brush. ]

You don't need to apologize... I'm right where I want to be. [ he's sure the others will also be looked after ]

Do you want to talk it through and maybe see if we can make it less confusing...?

[ the presence definitely helps, even if his instinct to "do you want to talk it through" is to say no. it's been months and he's made so many steps forward, but talking about his feelings is still difficult for him.

on the other hand, he is also aware sitting on them isn't going to help (thank you, shadow.) ]

... everybody says they were here all day doing other things, and I believe them. But I don't know how to change the fact that we also saw so many people there and the things that happened to them. Or how to change the fact that that place took everything from us and made us into completely different people for as long as it did.

[ okay thank you shadow..... ]

Took everything... and made you different?

[ if they saw people, then that's one thing. it's probably already tough enough to handle that. but he assumes that the others will be the ones to confirm their own presence...

it seems harder to wrestle with being unmade like this ]

[ a little nod like he's deciding if that's how he really wants to describe it. ]

I've never... we had a whole new life and history build for us in that village that overrode who we really were. Even when we had some moments things kinda felt weird, nothing stuck. We went nearly that whole time thinking we had a whole different story and different memories that made up who we were. And in some cases, different bodies.

[ so yeah having his everything he's grown to change be obliterated to become something else is. wild. ]

... does it feel real, even now that you've left?

[ he'll just move to lean lightly against yosuke, more for grounding than anything. to emphasize that he is in the here and now, and even though purgatory is awful, for now it is true. ]

[ it helps. physical contact is always hit and miss for him, but currently it helps while he continues staring straight ahead. ]

Not entirely. I remember who I am now and everything, but I also remember everything about who I was there and what happened so it's like... two sets of memories now? And trying to figure out what is and isn't right. Hak, Tokinaga-san, Lucien, Hien-san, Edamura-san... a few others were also there, but they weren't because they were here. But Thorns and Isabeau were also there at the top, but that part I'm not as clear on because... when we got to the summit is when things changed again.

.... mm. Maybe you saw them, but they don't remember what you went through. It might have been an illusion, but I'm sure it still felt very real to you.

[ which is probably why it's so much harder to parse through ]

How did they change at the summit...?

It had to have been because all of them died. Or... they disappeared and we don't know what happened, but our visions told us they they were likely killed.

[ illusions though they may be, it felt very real carrying the weight of someone in his arms, just as it felt real being taunted by a monster using half a friend's corpse as a finger puppet. weird. weird and bad. ]

When we finally got to the top, we could see the god we were meant to kill sitting in the crater. We couldn't get down there because it had protected itself, so we took the stairs up. Except the stairs went so high past the god that it kinda felt like we were climbing forever until we came to a platform. That's when our memories started coming back, as soon as we saw the caskets. And something spoke to us. "The truth waits for those with the ability to endure. You have lasted long. How much longer can you go?"

... we had come so far in our mission to kill the god that was killing our village, but none of that mattered because we had to rescue the people at the top. There was no way we were just gonna leave them there.

... and the people at the top were those dear to you. [ if isabeau and thorns were there and that must also mean, ] ... You saw him, didn't you? Your best friend.

[ look. ]

[ he feels less stupid mentioning it to soo-won at least because maybe he can explain why, exactly, this is driving him slowly insane. ]

That's what pisses me off the most. That this maze sent us to a place where we could have those memories replaced without even knowing. I didn't... I don't know how it was for the others, but I didn't remember him at all until then, and then I remembered everything. [ and it was horrifying to kind of wake up to his senses and realize just how entrenched they were in the story and how much they could have changed. he glances down at his hand where the palm is cut, flexing his fingers again. ]

I made a promise to him a few months before he left. That if he ever lost his way, I'd knock some sense into him, no matter if he was at the ends of the earth or somewhere dark he couldn't escape. I'd never leave him behind. None of us would, but the glass caskets were solid. [ sometimes all four of you go a little insane figuring out how to open them and save the people you care about. ]

[ he gets it. maybe it's because soo-won also has a best friend that overrides all sense of reason, no matter how divorced they are right now, that he's not surprised to hear that this is what was used against yosuke or what he tried to do. ]

... and what were you forced to do after?

[ when faced with those glass caskets holding the ones they love most hostage ]

[ yeah. the hak of it all...

there's a slightly bitter smile though. ]

Wouldn't call it "force" to break them out, you know? I think all of us came back to our senses right away to work on getting them open. Some of us just had better luck than others, they were sorta heavy. But we got 'em out just as the platform started to break. They were still asleep, so we grabbed them as best as we could and bolted.

[ he. glances at his still shoeless foot with vague annoyance. ]

The illusion pretty much shattered after that, figuratively and literally. The stairs broke almost as fast as we were descending them, and our memories started coming back in full to point out that we were really in the wrong place.

[ a long pause follows. ]

... everything disappeared into stardust, including them. Even though we were holding on, it didn't matter. [ because they weren't really there? because they were sent somewhere else? he actually is not sure because thorns and isabeau are very obviously here and that really is throwing his sense off for the time being. ]

[ . . . hmmm. soo-won will reach out gently, to see if he can also look at the cut on yosuke's palm. it is admittedly mostly just a cover for an excuse to touch him, to help him feel another piece of what is physical and present and real. maybe to also give him something to hold onto, even if it is a pale substitution for the person he is truly looking for. ]

... I can see why you're disoriented, to say the least. Perhaps it is more admirable that you are succeeding in telling the difference between what was there and what was here.

[ he's not sure he wants to say 'real or not' because reality itself feels... oddly nuanced here ]

Even if you can pick apart the differences...

I'm sure what you're feeling is more tumultuous.

[ that's also apparently fine, dahut already looked at his hand for science. the cut is in fact what you'd expect from handling glass. shocking, i'm sure. despite not being a physically affectionate person by default, he's a tactile one, so this is probably helping without him recognizing why. ]

Mostly. There are still some details I'm trying to clear up, but I'm back now. I can remember the difference, even if trying to separate them is still... going to take time to forget some of those things. All of that effort, and in the end we still didn't stop the god from continuing with the erasures and we still lost the four of them even after we rescued them.

[ and for someone whose headstone really does say his fears including losing himself and losing other people this has been battering around in his brain since they got back. ]

It's not like that was actually our life and those people we lost didn't actually die, apparently. But it doesn't change anything. [ there's also the whole thing with yu that he's digesting, but he figures that's a whole separate issue. ] I can't imagine how the other three are probably feeling, too.

[ soo-won will be careful, at least, not wanting to make the cut any worse. but he'll still hold onto yosuke's hand anyway, loose and gentle. he lets his thumb run against the back of his hand in an idle, repetitive motion. ]

.... what a cruel trick. [ softly, and not without some heavy handfuls of spite. soo-won is neutral on most gods until they fuck with the people he cares about and then they are his enemy so fast ]

I'm sure you can all reconvene with each other later. [ regarding the other three. but soo-won is here right now, so he'll focus on yosuke ] ... but even so, I am glad that you've returned to us.

[ if the alternative was getting lost out there? he's not sure. ]

[ he should pull away and be stronger about this, and yet. it's hard to say if it was the god, or the maze itself, or what really caused all of this. maybe it doesn't matter. it was cruel in its own way, because he thinks about reirin's panic when she'd thought lucien had perished, elysium's struggles through their whole journey as a human with a weaker disposition, siffrin getting battered over and over again because puppet bodies can take more than an average human. it was cruel and it was unfair. ]

... my goal was to keep as many people alive as I could. [ that part never changed. ] But even if it couldn't be everyone, it was always going to be those three. I couldn't accept otherwise. [ so he's glad they're back, too. ] I don't know how this happened or how we got back, but I don't like the idea that this could happen at all. What does that mean for the rest of us?

... I'm not sure. It does sound like... how the maze already knows perhaps too much about all of us, but amplified to an extreme.

[ frowning in thought. so maybe it's just an even deeper, crueler part of the maze? ]

Do you feel as though you got any closer to finding what you were looking for?

That sensation... it's changed only slightly for me, but it has changed.

[ there's a frustrated frown. ]

This place should have left Yu out of it. I don't... I don't even know if he was just part of the illusion or if he's like that guy from the burger place who was here and now he's just in another part of the maze.

[ also frustrating! but the question causes him to slow his roll for just a moment. ]

... if I think about it? Yes. But I still don't really know what that is, so that's as helpful as ever. [ but there is a change. he can't deny that. ] We keep being told we have to go further in, and so far things continue to get more and more dangerous we go. Between the monsters out in the fog and now this... what else might be out there?

[ "the truth waits for those with the ability to endure." maybe there really is something to that. ]

[ rip nagi. soo-won frowns in thought at that, because it's really nothing they can confirm for certain, can they....? ]

... whatever it is, it's probably shrouded in a bit more danger. I'm sorry that you all were some of the first to uncover exactly how much.

[ mumbling in thought, followed by a sigh ]

But I'm sorry that your best friend was used against you so. [ hak is often used to manipulate soo-won's emotions, so he gets that ] Hopefully you'll get to reunite with him outside of here so everything is more... well. Clear.

[ no! we cannot! we cannot confirm that for certain and he hates it! ]

I'd believe it's only gonna get more dangerous the further we go, yeah. And... on the one hand, I'm glad none of us were alone in that experience. On the other, some of them really should not have been there. [ he is so concerned about all three of them actually, but.

more to the point, soo-won mentions yu and again, it's only because he gets that soo-won understands enough because of hak that he allows himself to say anything about it. ]

I would've been more mad if he'd been used to, like, attack me or something. As far as things go, it was just... seeing him was what made my memories come back. It was like being able to have him around for a few minutes only to be taken back just so we'd cooperate. That's the part I hate. [ ... ] We've talked about it and I think he's gonna come back to visit in a few weeks for the long holiday, but that's, like, if we get home before then? At all? Whatever. I guess...

[ he changes his mind about halfway through whatever he was going to say and sighs. ]

One thing at a time.

We're going to get home.

[ said with confidence that doesn't seem to be based in anything at all, but he will gently pat yosuke's hand that he's still holding as he says it ]

You're going to see him again.

I agree with you that it is one thing at a time, but we ought to remember the road we wish to take even as we walk along it. You will return to the people you wish to see. I promise.

[ this is fine. usually he's the one throwing around baseless confidence for everybody else, but he kind of wants to roll back in the river and not get up at the moment. at least he's not thinking too hard about the fact they're still holding hands. ]

... I know. [ he does, logically, know this is true. ] The whole point of doing all of this is to remember why. Losing sight of that's just gonna get us all turned around again. [ his free hand comes up to scrub over his face. ] Sorry, this is so embarrassing.

[ being?? traumatized?? missing your friends?? all of it!! ]

You're right. We're going to get home and everything's going to be fine.

[ soo-won will simply just lightly bump shoulders with yosuke when he scrubs his face, both playful and affectionate ]

I don't think I've heard or seen anything particularly embarrassing from you...

[ oh yosuke you are so silly ]

It's alright. To feel worried or lose faith is normal. But I'm glad you have people you can rely on so that those moments are easier to stomach and push through.

[ thanks buddy... ]

You haven't known me long enough then. [ wry. but he'll take it anyway. ]

People here have been surprisingly nice about all of this kind of stuff, so I want to keep doing the same for them. That's the strength I need to keep going, I think. [ if he can't do it for himself, he'll do it for other people. ] That includes you, too. For anything you need.

[ he will just pat yosuke's hand affectionately ]

I'm happy to simply take your company. I hope you will believe me when I say that is enough.

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aerodynamic - 2025-12-06 08:27 (UTC) - Expand