aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ it's hard to say if he actually got what rafayel meant or if he's just sidestepping it, but he also figures the man isn't going to care because he'll brush it off. ]

Sure. I'd never reject your company. [ he turns this back around on him, and he plucks the strings a little. this close he can probably hear that the headphones are playing the same song and yosuke's trying to figure out how to play by ear alone. ] But thanks. I don't think I'm that good since I'm still learning, but I've been playing for a little while now. It was in one of the boxes with my name on it.

[ he smiles a bit at that, even if he tries to hide it behind his hand. ]

Oh, so it was yours from before or something?

[ a slight tilt of his head, his eyes mostly curious. ]

Is there a reason you chose this song?

Yeah, it usually lives in my room. There was a similar one in my trailer from a few weeks ago that I got to play with but this one feels better. It's... nice, you know? Having something to do when I'm not at work or school and I just want to do something else.

[ what he means is it's a nice creative outlet and it's something he genuinely likes and it's for himself more than anything. ]

It's easy to pick up from listening. [ he stops playing to gesture to his headphones. ] And it's... you know. I like it, I get it, that kind of thing.

True, they did leave us to figure out our own enrichment. [ like they're pets... ]

Guess this is like your version of going out and finding inspiration. I like this look on you.

You ever wonder who the hell "they" even are? Like... how did people get stuck here, and who contacted us to go rescue them? They really did leave us to our own devices though. [ "and some people went more wild than others."

but there's a little grin. ]

Thanks, I think. I'm still... figuring out a look, I guess. [ hm. that's one way to put it. ] Kinda why I wanted to apologize again for being weird last week.

All the time, actually. [ who were they to have struck some sort of deal or arrangement with them all like this? it's weirder of a concept to think they could be someone who could comprehend their desperation too... and that was kind of scary. ]

You don't have to apologize, silly. [ he uses those words more easily than he thinks, but maybe it's because he's mostly been disarmed by yosuke. that's also a strange thought, however... and so rafayel avoids thinking about it. ] It's nice to see passion. Especially, as we get older... people tend to lose sight of that kind of thing. Or take it for granted.

It's... something I think about a lot. We saw that one guardian or whatever who showed us what we came here for, but it's not like anybody was contacting us after that. They exist, but... makes you wonder if those are the ones we have to reach in the maze before we can rescue the people we came here for.

[ but that's all just idle thoughts. ]

It's nothing we can do right now though, I guess. [ the notion that he doesn't have to apologize is kind of nice, given the way his shoulders drop just a tiny bit. he doesn't entirely agree because rafayel's been nothing but nice to him and he's been kind of all over the place, but he's trying to get better at just accepting these things. instead, he chooses to focus on the second piece. ]

To be honest, I think I was starting to lose it for a little while back home. Being here's kinda reframed everything and steered me in the right direction again. Or, like, a direction. We'll see if it's the right one. But... I don't disagree. It's not something that should be lost or taken for granted. I don't want to be there.

It's only natural. I think most people want to put a face, or even a general appearance to their enemies. ... Well, maybe not even that. [ it's a lot more complicated, or so he gets the feeling. but, he does nod in agreement that there's not much they could do.

all they can do is persist. ]

You lost it even back at home...? [ ... ] Purpose is sometimes hard to find. Or other times, we become soooo fixated on it, that we sort of lose sight of everything else. I think you're right that being here... did change things.

Not going to lie, I never thought I had to think this much outside of what I normally do.

At least giving it a form instead of a weird vague concept... some people are still pretty mad all of this is happening to us even though we agreed. It's easier to be mad if we have something to be mad at. I don't even know if I can be mad. I wish I understood why, but at the end of it it doesn't matter because I'd do whatever it takes to save who I came for.

[ all they can do is persist. he's playing a different song at this point, something slow and easy as he nods to the question. ]

I don't know if I had it before the murders started. And then I got my Persona and we were working as a team and I had a purpose. But now that the case is officially over and the world is safe, and without the person who gave me a purpose, it was like... hard, I guess. To care about the future or know what I would care enough about to pursue. Being here has helped me really think about it, and talking to you guys has also helped. Like seeing other paths can exist.

[ though he lets his gaze slide back over to rafayel. ]

I never did ask what it is you're really going back to when we leave, did I?

[ it's true that people tended to operate better when they comprehended exactly what they were up against. he doesn't argue with that. it's similar to having a tangible goal, or something one could genuinely perceive. perhaps, that's why this maze is so difficult for them all. it's almost as if they traverse it entirely blind to what the end brings, but also just as ignorant to all of which they leave behind... if there is anything like that.

when yosuke switches songs, it also allows rafayel to mentally switch gears. ]

It seems like that person changed your life dramatically. Then without them, you lost sight of what you were doing this all for. I don't think there's any shame in that. Even if we pursue what we desire... at the end of the day, things just look and feel different depending on who's right next to you, yeah? [ not that their purpose has to be tied to a specific person, but he's sure the ride is that much more valuable.

something to savor, and just like that... he's a bit surprised at the question. he gives it a good pause, before: ] To be honest, I'm not sure yet. I've changed my mind enough times, and I'm not sure what the right answer is. But, I do have someone to look after first and foremost.

Is it the same for you?

[ despite rafayel not actually expressing all of that, yeah, that's basically where yosuke is with it. a tangibility, and yet they don't know what's ahead and can't look back.

instead, they move on, and likewise he allows the shift in conversation as easily as the shift in the melody. ]

I wouldn't be alive without them. [ which sounds dramatic but also, uh, this is very literal, his shadow would have just murdered him. ] It's like... I've been giving it some thought. If I want to go to college, if I want to stay in Inaba, if I want to pursue music seriously in college, Elysium pointed out humanitarian efforts was an option, stuff like that. All of these things I hadn't really considered, and I don't know what one it'll be but you're right. It all looks and feels different depending who's still there.

[ there's an intrigued little noise because he did assume the guy had it all figured out, and maybe it feels a little better to know he's not the only one still changing his mind and not knowing the right answer. ]

Your bodyguard, right? I remember you mentioned her. [ there's a pause though because is it the same? he supposes it is. ] ... I'm pretty sure I'm in love with my best friend. I don't know what to do with that information, but it doesn't change that I have to look after him first and foremost, even if we're separated at home again.

Those are all really important decisions. I also think it's okay to give yourself the room to think and try different things out. [ he gives a nod. ] I don't think going into music is such a bad idea if that's what really interests you. I find there's less room for regrets if you follow your heart. [ ... ] Also, like not to sound like an oldie, but you're definitely at the right age to take your time. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Yeah, that's the right attitude. [ he chuckles just a little bit. ] It only took us being here to figure it out, no big deal. [ but, it's not a bad thing to come out of this with a new sense of resolve, at least. ]

Try telling that to my parents. [ wry. the hanamuras are supportive of their son, but yosuke's also not disillusioned enough to think they'd be totally fine with him not making a decision about his future whether that's college or working at junes full-time. ] I hadn't really thought about music seriously until other people mentioned it here because I don't know what I could do with it, but it's fun? And if I'm going to do something for the rest of my life I'd prefer not to hate it.

[ there's a snort though. ]

I keep forgetting you're kinda ancient when you look the way you do. [ idly. but... ] I don't think it makes you sound old. I think it sounds like something I should probably hear and maybe it'll stick. I don't know what life looks like on the other side of this, but I guess... I should just be grateful I have one to go back to.

[ unlike some of these other people. ]

You think maybe that was the point of this whole thing? Kicking us into gear to learn these lessons.

Exactly, uh... don't they have that quote about doing something you love, yadda yadda, not working a day of your life? [ he's probably missing a few important details out of that, but he seems to say it with the same easygoing sort of confidence as anything else he says.

but, ANCIENT!?!? excuse him? he is the youngest sea god? but he barely has time to let that sink in, before he ponders on yosuke's last point. in a way, he's impressed that yosuke can tie a lot of this back to their actual "reason" for being here.

... and he can't say it feels entirely wrong. ] It might be. Honestly, wouldn't it be easier to think of it that way. [ he looks up to the stars momentarily. ] Though, I'd also like to think as much as they force on us, we also fight back with an intensity and passion they may not have expected. So I think that says just as much about the people here. You included, of course.

[ but, he's not going to make eye contact when he says that...

he doesn't want to make it too personal. ]

Something like that. [ he gets the point at least. ] But on the other hand, as they say, love doesn't pay the bills.

[ nobody says that, but he does have the responsibility settled into his brain. still... it's hard not to think and daydream about it. SORRY. YOU ARE A GOD SO YOU ARE KIND OF OLD? it's okay, you don't look it, rafayel. but it's true, isn't it? being here has forced them to confront the things they haven't settled on before. ]

I wouldn't disagree with that. People are stubborn and people want to be accepted for who they are, whether that checks somebody else's box or not. [ rafayel may not make it personal, but unfortunately yosuke is soft-hearted in a handful of ways. ]

I think the thing really comes down to how other people here have also helped shape our choices here. I know there's some stuff I wouldn't have thought about or tried without talking to some of you guys. This experience has sucked in a lot of ways, don't get me wrong, but... at the same time, it's going to be weird getting out of here and knowing you're all out there and I won't see you again.

Now that's really something a boomer would say...

[ yosuke... what happened to your youth? ]

Silly, you don't have to worry about that. I agree that separating is always hard, but I think... even if we do forget our experiences here, the memories we have and made... are still with us. Somewhere. I'd like to think, even when we can't recall, they still shape us. In a way, it's ... like when we first got here. [ not to state that they have full clarity now or anything, but that... even without knowing why they were here, they persisted. he's sure in the same way, whatever experiences they have here will permanently change them too. ] Or, who knows. Maybe you'll see me in your dreams?

Or I'll see you in mine, and you'll be a full-fledged singer and songwriter by then.

[ he wonders if this kind of blind optimism doesn't suit him? or if it seemed hypocritical under the back drop of the life he's led so far? either way, he'd hope his words could express at least a little bit of his gratitude. ]

Hey! [ rude! but pouting aside... ]

... maybe you're right. [ blind optimism suitable or not, he trusts rafayel enough to actually believe it. ] This place has had enough of an impact on all of us that it'd be hard to forget even if we don't remember the details. I can't say I'd mind seeing you in my dreams though.

[ he belatedly realizes how that sounds and quickly shakes his head. ]

I mean! You know what I mean. At least knowing you were actually a real person I got to know.

[ oh...

he opens his mouth, and can't help but give a small laugh. ]

Woooow, that was bold. Keep that up, and your best friend might fall just like that. [ going to try and boop yosuke on the nose. ] But, same here. As you know, I don't have too many opportunities to get close to others.

Thiiiink we still could have done without half of the stuff that happens here, but— [ shrug. ]

[ he's just burying his face in his hands for a moment. ]

Dude, no. [ embarrassing!! however there is a boop and he pouts as his hands drop back to his lap. ]

I do know that about you, and it's one of the things I've been thinking about. [ he's concerned a little that rafayel might be lonely when they go back, but outright saying so sounds embarrassing. he figures the implication is enough. ]

There's a lot I could've skipped here, but sometimes some of those things... you know. It's stuff that also helps you in the future. We just might not know yet. I can't say I regret being here in the end.

[ thinking about...?

his eyes seem to study yosuke for a moment, and he can't help but give a weak chuckle. he presumes that was his way of expressing concern for him, but honestly... just the thought is more than enough. rafayel doesn't see his circumstances changing, but he's not necessarily resentful of that either.

at the very least, he feels like he's gained something here. maybe not the full understanding he may have idealized before coming to this place, but he can acknowledge that there's also value in those who at least try to get there. ]

Same. I can't say I regret it. So you should also try not to be lonely without us all, yeah?

[ says rafayel who will be lonely like he's always been, but no one has to know that. ]

[ he thinks maybe outright saying it would be overbearing but at the same time yeah, he's concerned and rafayel is in the collection of people he's going to think about for a long time. he can't help but laugh slightly at that though. ]

I was still a little lonely even before I met you guys. I don't know if it'll be any easier now going back. [ he will at least outright say that. ] But I'll give it my best shot, how about that? I think we all have some things we're gonna have to work on when we get back.

[ the sudden admittance to having been lonely does end up striking a chord with rafayel. it was hard to admit at times and even now, he knows he's refusing to acknowledge that possibility. however, in spite of all this, he does end up giving a sympathetic sort of smile. ]

Someone once told me that they can't always make such impossible promises, but that we can try our best at least. Back then it really just sounded like an excuse, but I kinda think I know what they mean now.

But, yeah, let's try our best. [ a pause, before: ] Cause I'll know if you don't.

[ what is he... santa claus... ]

[ he can see how that would sound like an excuse, and he thinks about this for a few moments. ]

It could be an easy way to brush off what people want and claim somebody's still making an effort. But I think I get that it means. Trying our best might make it feel less impossible. [ but he raises an eyebrow even if he gives rafayel an awkward little grin. ]

Should I take that to mean you're gonna keep an eye on me? I think I can handle that.

You better not take that back when I begin nagging you in your sleep, yeah?

[ not that rafayel is as much as a nagger as he is an annoyer, but listen...

tries to mess his hair up while he rubs his head. ]

[ they get along because they're both annoying in their own ways. there's a squawk though, a hand batting at rafayel's. not the hair!! the hair is already kind of a mess, but it's fine. ]

Why do I get the feeling you wouldn't let me take it back even if I wanted to?

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