aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ Yeah, he should not ask about Hatsune Miku. Or why it looks like this after three years. It's fine. She's fine. ]

... Once. When my laptop was taken away and my phone was broken.

[ And she'd lost her avenue into her own space. ]

[ IS SHE.

it's probably good that emotionshare hasn't quite started yet or she'd be bassboosted with yosuke's frustration at her mother. ]

... how'd you deal? [ it's hard to picture really functioning when a part of you is suddenly cut off like that. ]

I...

[ ... ]

Some of my friends... were able to reach out to me. If it wasn't for them, I think I would have broken.

[ mm. ah, yes, the relatable content. ]

The ones you make music with? [ they sound important. ] I'm glad. That they were able to reach you, I mean. Those connections are more important than anything to keep you going.

Them... but the ones I'm mentioning came from this place. They were born to help me realize my feelings.

[ Kaito really did love to bitch-- ]

[ this raises even more questions? ]

So like... what are they? Or, I guess, who? If they're from here but this place exists because of your feelings, are they a different part of you?

They're Virtual Singers. They didn't all show up at the same time, but you could say they represent different parts of me, here to help me understand. I consider them their own people.

[ She lifts an eyebrow. ]

We're talking quite a bit about me, Hanamura-san.

[ huh. he still has more questions about this actually but then she rightfully calls him out and he jumps a little. right. he's trying not to traumadump on this girl but he can also see her point. ]

Is it so bad I want to learn more about you, Asahina-san? [ just pointing that out as a weak defense. ]

... I guess I was asking because that's one of the things I keep coming back to. How easily that world could take away our whole identity to make us somebody else and separate us from the things that are specifically ours.

[ She doesn't bother to address that. It's fine. ]

... That's a very frightening prospect. And you wouldn't realize how horrifying it is until you regain your identity.

[ She exhales. ]

Are you feeling like you're not yourself right now?

[ yosuke will remember this...

for now, he is in fact focused on this frightening prospect. ]

Exactly. Things started to come through the further up the mountain we went, but it was so easy to forget them or not even think about them at all. We forgot everything until we got to the summit.

[ and here he stops, looking off at a point in the distance because this is going to sound insane, he thinks. ]

... there's something missing. And I don't know how, or how to get it back.

Something missing...

[ Hm. ]

Does everyone else you were with also feel this way?

I don't know. I haven't asked. But... it wouldn't be the same for them, I already know that. [ how to explain. ] Um. Like... a part of me is missing?

... Ah.

[ HMMMMMMMMMM. ]

But you didn't feel that way as you started remembering things? Did you have the same feeling as soon as you came back to us?

We didn't remember enough at the time for it to be something to think about. [ and more than that... ]

It's more like something that I only notice I'm missing because it's not there, but it's not always something I think about because I know it's always with me. It didn't start being noticeable until a little after we got back.

So, in other words...

... Some aspect of yourself is missing and you're not sure what it is, but because you've always had it, you're sensing a loss nonetheless.

[ ... Interesting. ]

I could try to help you narrow it down, but I might not be of much help.

[ there's a slow nod. a steady, even breath. something to try and clear his head and regain some semblance of calm while he thinks. ]

I think I know what it is, but it's the "how" that I'm lost on. [ ... ] How do you lose something that's kind of a huge part of who you are?

[ this is maybe rhetorical, but also he thinks maybe trying to talk through it will give him some idea? especially the longer he sits inside a place that is basically herself. ]

There are a few ways for that to happen.

[ Speaking as someone who's lost her true feelings. ]

Can I ask what it is you lost, then?

[ how to explain... ]

Call it a physical manifestation of my own feelings. [ since she just explained a bit about the virtual singers, he thinks keeping this a little vague might help the point get across. ] Usually I can feel it, but I can't anymore.

... [ Interesting. ]

Can you walk me through what you did, immediately after coming back? No matter how minute the details.

Woke up in a morgue, apparently. [ dryly. ] Um... we tried regrouping with everybody and I left. I was heading back to the cat house and... the river was there, and walking was a pain, so I stopped. Dahut found me a little while later and he made a harness just in case. [ this sounds deranged out of context, wait. ]

I don't know. It suddenly felt like the river would fix everything, so we tested it out. And it did a pretty good job. [ gestures to his non-broken bones and healed wounds aside from his hand. ] But everything still kinda felt like a lot so I went to the library and then you showed up.

[ Okay. She's thinking through this.

He came back. They regrouped. He was going back to the house. The river. Dahut spoke to him and something about a harness?

... And a feeling the river would fix everything, which was apparently true. And now he feels like this. ]

Do you remember feeling this loss before you used the river?

I don't really know what I was feeling before then. Everything was... confusing. [ disorienting, because they're just come back and in that other world, he didn't even remember the connection he was supposed to have. ]

But if I didn't notice, then... probably not?

Then it's possible that the river might have had other properties other than healing. Like some of the rivers in Greek mythology, that would heal mortals but damage monsters, or erase memories.

[ She taps her chin, thoughtfully. ]

I can't say for certain, of course, but if certain things have taken influence from stories, like the candy house, it might have pulled from other mythologies and legends as well. Or it could be some other factor.

[ oh. smart girl. he would not have really come to this conclusion himself because this is not really where his strengths lie, but now that it's out there this sounds like it could be right. ]

It's weird because nobody else seemed to be able to feel it. I tried to explain it to Dahut and he said he didn't feel that way at all. But it was like... just knowing it'd work. I couldn't explain why. [ he seems to be wracking his brain a bit. ]

I don't feel like I'm missing memories or anything at least. I still remember everything a lot more clearly now.

[ It's fine. She's a smart girl. He's much better at stabbing things than she is. ]

If Dahut wasn't injured, it might have been knowledge only available to those who needed it. [ Just a thought. She has no real evidence here. ]

But I'm glad your memory's intact. All the same, it could be an exchange... a loss of something, just not your memories.

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