aerodynamic | INBOX for purgastory

[ oh. he stays still for a few moments, mostly so he can register where they are and this is so sad actually, MAFUYU.

but he also can get why this could be comforting. away from everyone and everything trying to pull you one way or another. ]

... way different than Tsukasa's. [ he comments on this lightly, because while he isn't entirely sure if this is a SEKAI, tsukasa had pulled the same sort of trick. he's maybe jumping to conclusions here. ] I can see how it might help for when things are... you know. A lot.

[ even though emptiness can be it's own kind of suppression. ]

Tenma-san's...?

[ Wait. Tsukasa has a SEKAI?

Huh... ]

Sometimes, even a familiar room or the noise around you can feel like too much. I don't know if it will help you, but you did seem like you were beginning to fray a little.

[ only belatedly does he remember tsukasa did say it was a secret, so. ]

Crap. Forget I said anything! [ ahhhh!!

but more to the point, there's a soft hum of agreement. sometimes being around the same four walls hurts more than helps if the thing that's bothering you is tied to that. and she comments on him starting to fray and there's another uneasy laugh, an embarrassed smile following. ]

That obvious, huh? Seriously uncool... [ a hand comes up to run the back of his neck as he looks away. ] I don't know where to start.

[ so a blank canvas does actually help. ]

Wherever you want.

[ Simply enough. ]

Though I would also prefer if you kept this to yourself. As much as you can.

[ NO TELLING, YOSUKE. ]

[ "where he wants" makes him feel like he'll sound like a little kid, so he shelves that for a second to focus on this place. he will get to the crux of it soon enough. ]

Yes, ma'am. [ haha. ] But I'm curious how this place came to be yours.

It happened... nearly three years ago. [ A slight shrug. ]

It just appeared one day and I was told it was born out of my feelings. That they'd grown powerful enough to make a SEKAI.

Even one as empty as this. [ She's aware. ]

[ based on her memory from before and also just gauging they're close enough in age, he can guesstimate when this SEKAI showed up. he's glad she is aware but boy howdy does this tell him something about her feelings if this is still how it looks three years later. ]

It's... sort of cool to think of it like having something for yourself nobody else does. [ tentatively. ] But on the other hand, it sounds like it could've been confusing at first, too. Guess you got used to it?

[ this adds up to what tsukasa told him about his, so this seems right. he does not want to ask about hatsune miku, he already learned now not to offer more than she says because it's a secret thing. though... he chews his bottom lip in thought because this sort of relates to something else on his mind. ]

If they're your feelings it must always be here. But have you ever... not been able to come here?

[ Yeah, he should not ask about Hatsune Miku. Or why it looks like this after three years. It's fine. She's fine. ]

... Once. When my laptop was taken away and my phone was broken.

[ And she'd lost her avenue into her own space. ]

[ IS SHE.

it's probably good that emotionshare hasn't quite started yet or she'd be bassboosted with yosuke's frustration at her mother. ]

... how'd you deal? [ it's hard to picture really functioning when a part of you is suddenly cut off like that. ]

I...

[ ... ]

Some of my friends... were able to reach out to me. If it wasn't for them, I think I would have broken.

[ mm. ah, yes, the relatable content. ]

The ones you make music with? [ they sound important. ] I'm glad. That they were able to reach you, I mean. Those connections are more important than anything to keep you going.

Them... but the ones I'm mentioning came from this place. They were born to help me realize my feelings.

[ Kaito really did love to bitch-- ]

[ this raises even more questions? ]

So like... what are they? Or, I guess, who? If they're from here but this place exists because of your feelings, are they a different part of you?

They're Virtual Singers. They didn't all show up at the same time, but you could say they represent different parts of me, here to help me understand. I consider them their own people.

[ She lifts an eyebrow. ]

We're talking quite a bit about me, Hanamura-san.

[ huh. he still has more questions about this actually but then she rightfully calls him out and he jumps a little. right. he's trying not to traumadump on this girl but he can also see her point. ]

Is it so bad I want to learn more about you, Asahina-san? [ just pointing that out as a weak defense. ]

... I guess I was asking because that's one of the things I keep coming back to. How easily that world could take away our whole identity to make us somebody else and separate us from the things that are specifically ours.

[ She doesn't bother to address that. It's fine. ]

... That's a very frightening prospect. And you wouldn't realize how horrifying it is until you regain your identity.

[ She exhales. ]

Are you feeling like you're not yourself right now?

[ yosuke will remember this...

for now, he is in fact focused on this frightening prospect. ]

Exactly. Things started to come through the further up the mountain we went, but it was so easy to forget them or not even think about them at all. We forgot everything until we got to the summit.

[ and here he stops, looking off at a point in the distance because this is going to sound insane, he thinks. ]

... there's something missing. And I don't know how, or how to get it back.

Something missing...

[ Hm. ]

Does everyone else you were with also feel this way?

I don't know. I haven't asked. But... it wouldn't be the same for them, I already know that. [ how to explain. ] Um. Like... a part of me is missing?

... Ah.

[ HMMMMMMMMMM. ]

But you didn't feel that way as you started remembering things? Did you have the same feeling as soon as you came back to us?

We didn't remember enough at the time for it to be something to think about. [ and more than that... ]

It's more like something that I only notice I'm missing because it's not there, but it's not always something I think about because I know it's always with me. It didn't start being noticeable until a little after we got back.

So, in other words...

... Some aspect of yourself is missing and you're not sure what it is, but because you've always had it, you're sensing a loss nonetheless.

[ ... Interesting. ]

I could try to help you narrow it down, but I might not be of much help.

[ there's a slow nod. a steady, even breath. something to try and clear his head and regain some semblance of calm while he thinks. ]

I think I know what it is, but it's the "how" that I'm lost on. [ ... ] How do you lose something that's kind of a huge part of who you are?

[ this is maybe rhetorical, but also he thinks maybe trying to talk through it will give him some idea? especially the longer he sits inside a place that is basically herself. ]

There are a few ways for that to happen.

[ Speaking as someone who's lost her true feelings. ]

Can I ask what it is you lost, then?

[ how to explain... ]

Call it a physical manifestation of my own feelings. [ since she just explained a bit about the virtual singers, he thinks keeping this a little vague might help the point get across. ] Usually I can feel it, but I can't anymore.

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